Mine is a fragile body
It needs eight hours of sleep
Is easily overstimulated
Is easily cold
When I make plans, my body will surprise me with a period and say, “uh uh, not today”
When I want to do more, my body protests, “REST”
When I want to start earlier, my body says, “SLEEP”
When I don’t listen, my body yells, “SICK”
At my late thirties, weed is starting to feel gross and alcohol requires more recovery
Bored with tea, I started to drink coffee
I thought, should I really be introducing a caffeine habit? But then I remembered Anthony Bourdain’s sentiment: “Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park”
I subscribe to this
I eat everything
At what point does health start to feel more about controlling and less about living?
I remember Oscar Wilde’s sentiment: “Everything in moderation, including moderation”
My body both fails me and amazes me
At 34, my body managed to adjust from a tropical climate to a life with four seasons
At 35, I learned how to dance
Around this time, I learned how to cook, clean, and commute
At 36, I froze my eggs
That same year, my period changed when I got an IUD
Yet still, society asks: when will you have kids?
As if to say: when will you become a real woman?
Society also asks me to take care of my skin, wear makeup
That, I will do
Cleanse. Moisturize. Apply sunscreen.
Minimal makeup gives me maximum joy
Society asks that I have a flat belly
That, I will not do
Carbs and rice are here to stay
This year was a tough one
A hundred job applications, a hundred rejections
My computer tells me, “you are not enough”
Yet after I work out it feels, “actually, I am enough”
And the moment I get to feel my husband’s warm belly right before I fall asleep, I know, “I have more than enough”
I am afraid that the need to survive will trump my need to thrive
How am I going to handle a five day office week with my painful periods?
I remember what my dance teacher tells me: let your body ask questions
I can do that
That feels lighter than, make your body have answers
I am afraid of pushing 40
Afraid of not having achieved by then
But what an insult that would be to my body to not celebrate all that it has achieved now
For I love my body
I am my body
This body is not a temple, but a work in progress ♡